I Won't Say Goodbye
by Laura Schiller
Summary: A rather dark character study of Keiichiro, based on episode 14. What does he do with all those birthday cakes for a woman who will never see them?


I Won't Say Goodbye

By Laura Schiller

Based on: Tokyo Mew Mew

Copyright: Reiko Yoshida, Mia Ikumi

Akasaka Keiichiro never eats his own creations.

It's one of his rules, like sterilizing his equipment and wearing latex gloves while he works. He believes it works to his advantage as a _patissier_: it keeps him objective, following his recipes to the letter, not letting his personal preferences get in the way of the formulas he knows will sell the best. His pastries must be as flawless as his self-presentation: layers of icing as smooth as his ironed shirts, rows of cookies as evenly placed as the bangs just barely touching his eyelids.

It wasn't always like this. As a child, every time he helped his mother bake, he'd lick the whisks, the spatula and every dough-covered object he could find, getting sticky and smeared himself until she laughed and chased him around with a wet towel. It was only when he started making suggestions ("_Why don't you use brown sugar instead of white? Are you sure that's enough butter? What if you made it half yoghurt and half buttermilk?"_) that his parents, especially his father, started to eye him with disapproval.

His final suggestion ("_How would you feel if I went to cooking school in Paris?"_) resulted in a full-blown domestic earthquake, and being summarily packed off to get an IT degree instead.

Luckily, computer programming turned out to be almost as interesting as baking, and university life was a godsend in several respects. Dr. and Mrs. Shirogane and their prodigy of a son became his second family, the family he should have had: brilliant, supportive, and accepting of who he was. Then a young entomologist with hair the color of butterscotch literally caught him in her net, like a butterfly, and took him out for coffee to apologize. It was love at first sight.

For two years, Keiichiro was a truly happy man. He might have known it wouldn't last.

Whenever he thinks of Nishina Rei, he thinks in flavors. The hot espresso rush of their first date; the marzipan they ate at that summer festival; the vanilla lipgloss she wore when they first kissed; the green tea from the never-empty pot in her apartment as they talked for hours on end; the triple-layer strawberry cake he always made for her birthday.

To him, strawberries will always taste of regret.

_"Keiichiro-san … since our interests and duties separate us so often, perhaps we should also go our separate ways. We were happy … but I just want to go home."_

As he kicked the table while listening to Rei's pre-recorded message on his phone, her birthday cake fell to pieces along with his heart.

To this day, he doesn't know what came over him. He scooped up a chunk of it with his fingers, took a bite and then another. He read and re-read the recipe, as if it could show him where he went wrong; as if one less milligram of baking soda, two more minutes in the oven, could have made her forgive him and come back. As if it wasn't his own blind, stupid, self-absorbed behavior that had driven her away.

_"You weren't the only one who was busy, Keiichiro-san! I waited all day for you, and you never came … "_

Before he knew it, the whole cake was gone and his knees hit the bathroom tiles, the taste of strawberries and vanilla turned to acid.

That night was only the beginning. He joined the Shiroganes' expedition to America in mourning for his relationship – and came back in mourning for the Shiroganes themselves, with a ten-year-old foster-son in tow. Their will had left him in custody of Ryou; he couldn't have refused even if he wanted to, but that didn't make the responsibility any less.

He dropped out of university and took the first full-time job he could find, which happened to be at a pink fairytale castle called the Princess Café.

He made an excellent waiter, and an even better assistant pastry chef. His old talent came back with redoubled flair. Never mind that the smell of strawberries and vanilla made him queasy, and that he wasn't even tempted to eat the leftovers as his co-workers did. Instead he brought them home to a delighted Ryou, who found school and daycare desserts less than satisfying. It was a win-win situation.

"That's what I like about you, Akasaka-kun," said his manager, once. "Discipline."

What the old lady would have said if she had seen her favorite assistant every seventh of July, the day of what became his ritual penance, he did not care to imagine.

She retired, and left the Princess Café to him. He renamed it "Café Mew Mew", after the Greek letter code of Dr. Shirogane's research on genetic engineering, at the suggestion of Ryou, who at sixteen was already hell-bent on finishing his father's work. They set up a laboratory in the basement, using money from Ryou's trust fund, and before long, the Mew Mew Project was well underway.

Keiichiro is contented … most of the time … but he still bakes a birthday cake every seventh of July.

_"I won't say goodbye," _Rei told him.

Neither does he.

_Look at me, Rei-san. Look at me, Shirogane-sensei. I'm a good worker, a good guardian. I do my duty. I don't indulge, not in cake or women or any other selfish pleasure – and when I do, I discipline myself. I am strong enough to make the most delicious pastries and never touch them. I am in control._

_I won't say goodbye. I will remember you always._


End file.
